time, please fly.

home, let me come home
home is wherever i'm with you
home, let me come home
home is wherever i'm with you

i feel lonely. when i know i should be happy. i have a caring host mom, good friends, amazing travel experiences, plenty of money at my disposal, and so much more.

but the one thing i lack, is the one thing that would turn it all around. put a huge smile on my face. make me feel alive again. and that's home.

that's my mom. that's my dad. that's my sister. that's amanda. that's matthew. that's all my friends. that's my house, with my little bed, my books, my cats, my comfy couch and big tv. that's mississippi. that's sweet tea. that's the english language. that's ole miss.

i'd do anything to be back there right now. unfortunately the tears falling down my cheeks right now aren't doing anything to make that time come any sooner.

i'm just gonna do my best to keep chugging along. one more month. i can do this. at least i hope.

definition.

To me, fearless is not the absence of fear. it's not being completely unafraid. To me, fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, fearless is living inspite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is falling madly in love again even though you've been hurt before. Fearless is walking into your freshman year of high school at 15. Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again... even though every time you've tried before, you've lost. it's fearless to have faith that someday things will change. Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who hurts you, even if you can't breathe without them. I think it's fearless to fall in love with your best friend, even though he's in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they will never stop doing, I think it's fearless to stop believing them. it's fearless to say you're not sorry. And walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. Letting go is fearless. Then letting go and moving on... that's fearless too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That's why I write these songs. Because I think love is fearless.
-Taylor Swift

tidings from above.

in a cab tonight, i caught a memo from god. in the form of this song on the radio.

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are.
I had to find you, tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,
Oh lets go back to the start.
Running in circles, Comin' in tails
Heads on a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.

Oh take me back to the start.

I was just guessin' at numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start.
Runnin' in circles, Chasin' tails
Comin' back as we are

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.

I'm goin' back to the start.

another.

All I really want is someone that’s gonna keep their promises, listen to me babbling or enjoy a comfortable silence with, someone to call when I get scared, someone to laugh at my mistakes, and someone to grab me when I walk away. Is that too much to ask for?

wonderful theme for life.

Woke up in London yesterday
Found myself in the city near Piccadilly
Don't really know how I got here
I got some pictures on my phone

New names and numbers that I don't know
Address to places like Abbey Road
Day turns to night, night turns to whatever we want
We're young enough to say

Oh this has gotta be the good life
This has gotta be the good life
This could really be a good life, good life

Say oh, got this feeling that you can't fight
Like this city is on fire tonight
This could really be a good life
A good, good life

To my friends in New York, I say hello
My friends in L.A. they don't know
Where I've been for the past few years or so
Paris to China to Colorado

Sometimes there's airplanes I can't jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We are god of stories but please tell me
What there is to complain about

When you're happy like a fool
Let it take you over
When everything is out
You gotta take it in

Hopelessly
I feel like there might be something that I'll miss
Hopelessly
I feel like the window closes oh so quick
Hopelessly
I'm taking a mental picture of you now
'Cuz hopelessly
The hope is we have so much to feel good about

a blessing and a curse.

good people. argentina is full of them.
being around them reminds me that the world actually is a good place. living in america, i sometimes wonder how there can be so much bad around me. i've come to realize though, that human nature is inherently good. and it gives me hope.
however, there is a downside. it magnifies my own flaws. i can see exactly where i am lacking. i could be so much kinder. i could be so much more caring. i could be so much more dedicated. i could be more good. i am good. but there is always more good to be had.
i will never forgive myself for not taking action in times when others needed me. the pictures run over and over in my mind. all i can do to console myself is remember that there will always be another chance to do good. and next time, i can be that person to console the woman weeping in the church. or to pick the handicapped girl off the ground. or to feed the little girl whose parents are nowhere to be found.
as much as i care, i know i can care more. i know i can love more. i know i can serve others more. and from this point on, i will. i am good people.

the truth.

there is no right. there is no wrong. there are no lies. there is no truth. or is it all true? is it all a lie? is it all wrong? is it all right?

nothing is known. it is all an elegant unknown. everything. me. you. them. life. all are beautiful. yet we cannot identify it at all. it is right. it is wrong. it is truth. it is lies. is it everything? is it nothing?

i do not know the answer. do you? will we ever know? i doubt it. but i will live. every, beautiful day. and grow. and learn. and never know the truth. and continue my life, marching into the elegant unknown.

lost?

Where am I today, I wish that I knew
'Cause looking around there's no sign of you
I don't remember one jump or one leap
Just quiet steps away from your lead

I'm holding my heart out but clutching it too
Feeling this sort of a love that we once knew
I'm calling this home when it's not even close
Playing the role with nerves left exposed

Standing on a darkened stage
Stumbling through the lines
Others have excuses
But I have my reasons why

i know my location, but i don't know where i am. i know my friends, but i don't know who they are. i know what i do, but i don't know my purpose. i know what love is, but i don't know how it feels. i know my name, but i don't know who i am.

these answers will come, but only with time. with patience and grace, all will be granted.